How do you determine your worth? (And why does it always come up short?)

I have earned the respect and admiration of others through a variety of accomplishments and in many cases have outperformed both my own and other’s expectations for me, but I keep pushing for more, because it never seems like it’s enough. I have a great family and support system, the members of which I love and I know that they love me, yet often I have expectations that can’t be met and dreams that go unfulfilled. I have a huge closet full of clothes, shoes, and drawers full of accessories; a nice home, two vehicles, and lots of state-of-the art electronics; but they don’t last … in fact, nothing I have, or do, and no one that I know or love has ever offered enough to fill a lingering void, nor salve deep wounds … and I have found myself in some very dark places over the years as a result.

So as Renee Swope (2011) notes, I often feel “that aching emptiness we know when something or someone fails us — that cannot be filled by food, family, shopping, friends, sex, alcohol, or anything else (p. 56),” further, “If [I] am doing well, [I] feel fulfilled. If [I] am not doing well, [I] feel empty and worthless (p. 58).” Of course, the measurements of doing well are worldly standards and determination of my worth thus often rests with what I call the 4 Ps — people, performance, position/power, and possessions. This seems to cause me to repeatedly come up short, and cannot begin to address the need for healing of my long-broken heart.

Today’s Truth

If as Swope posits, “the wells of our hearts were created to be filled by God alone (p. 60),” then I need to move from reliance on the 4 Ps to reliance on the 3 Gs (Father, Son, and Spirit).

What better place to start than with the one who knows me best:

Psalm139v13_16

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.  (Psalms 139:13-16, NRSV)

No one can possibly know me the way that He does. He determined my path before I was conceived and formed me in my mother’s womb.

Exploration/Affirmation

Because I am one of His creations, I am “wonderfully made.” I was also, as Renee Swope (2011) noted, “made for love that isn’t measured by our last accomplishment but marked by God’s measureless grace (p. 62)”

Proverbs 19 22

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. (Psalm 36:7)

No one can protect and defend me like He can. Nothing can possibly satisfy my needs and desires as He can. And no one else can begin to help me heal my heart like He can.

So, I took some time to refute the 4 Ps, and affirm the 3 Gs as my next step toward gaining #AConfidentHeart:

As to measuring my worth by the 4 Ps standards and measures:

  • Relying on the opinion of others has been disappointing, to say the least — Here you are, trusting in deceptive words to no avail. (Jeremiah 7:8, NRSV) ; no matter how hard I have tried to please or how many accolades I have obtained — the response is often hollow, and sometimes false; thus, It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in mortals. (Psalms 118:8)
  • As for the clothing, the property, the vehicles, and the “toys,” they quickly lose value and must be replaced, not to mention they are of no value when I die — Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal (Matthew 6:19);  but the promises made by God are invaluable thus, I should store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:20-21)
  • The pursuit of position/power yielded little of value when I pursued it with a self-centered intent, for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, (Luke 18:14b); and I did learn from this behavior, adopting a desire to serve — thus (albeit unwittingly) I reaped the benefits of Commit[ting] [my] work to the Lord, and [my] plans [were] established. (Proverbs 16:3) — as, all who humble themselves will be exalted (Luke 18:14c) though regrettably only for a short time.

So, as I turn to the 3 Gs, I affirm that:

  • Relying on the Father, means relying on someone willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for me — For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. (John 3:16)
  • To live in the Word and attain all of the promises He made in recognition of the fulfillment of His Father’s will  — I long to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that [I]may be filled with all the fullness of God.
  • Those who trust in their own wits are fools; but those who walk in wisdom come through safely. (Proverbs 28:26) Thus, I seek the Spirit’s counsel in understanding the Divine Truth and finding the words to express myself in properly-motivated prayer.

Inspiration

My goal, then, is to learn to rely on His promises and to seek His mercy and grace daily:

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)

Reflection/Prayer

From Paul’s epistle:

LORD, I pray that, according to the riches of [Your] glory, [You] may grant that [I] may be strengthened in [my] inner being with power through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in [my] heart through faith, as [I] am being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that [I] may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that [I] may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:16-21)

References

NRSV translation of The Holy Bible

Swope, R. (2011). A Confident Heart, Grand Rapids, MI: Revell Publishers.

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