#MovingForward: Living Beyond the Shadow of My Doubts

MovingForward

This Week’s Truth

He said to them, “Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? (Luke 24:38, NRSV)

Exploration/Affirmation

When I stumbled on the Proverbs31 Ministries website, I saw the ad for their next online bible study and it spoke directly to my heart. I signed up immediately. Since I have started this study, I have had several very emotional revelations. The biggest of these is that it is likely that everything that has been happening in my life for the last several years is my wake up call to surrender — to Him, once and for all — and that He has been waiting pretty patiently for me to do so.

So — this week we are working through Chapters 4 and 5 of A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. As I began to read the material, I was overcome with a range of emotions — pain, anger, resistance, and finally acceptance and willingness to try anything to make myself feel better. All of this just reinforces the fact that I can’t #MoveForward effectively in my everyday life, or in my journey with and to Him, until I open up my heart and begin to work through all of the issues and situations from my past that keep impinging on both my ability to be consistent in my belief and trust in Him and my ability to perform in all areas.

The title of Chapter 5 — Living Beyond the Shadow of My Doubts, lets me know that once I identify the triggers and responses, I can work daily to heal. The title of Chapter 4 Hope for My Future Despite the Pain of My Past — reassures me that once I begin to heal, in faith, I will be able to reaffirm my trust and listen to what He is trying to tell me. Combining the wisdom and exercises of the two chapters will help me start living a fuller life daily — and hopefully I won’t be the only one to benefit from that.

The context of the verse for the week is in the aftermath of the crucifixion, when Jesus miraculously appears to his disciples. While he is offering them every blessing, he notices their disbelief — they think perhaps they are seeing a ghost. He is disconcerted because He feels that even if they don’t remember the words of the prophets, they should certainly remember what He told them earlier:

Then he took the twelve aside and said to them, “See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man by the prophets will be accomplished. For he will be handed over to the Gentiles; and he will be mocked and insulted and spat upon. After they have flogged him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise again.” (Luke 18:31-33, NRSV)

BUT,

…they understood nothing about all these things; in fact, what he said was hidden from them, and they did not grasp what was said. (Luke 18:34, NRSV)

So he is moved to remind them in this passage:

Then he said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you—that everything written about me in the law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Messiah is to suffer and to rise from the dead on the third day, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. And see, I am sending upon you what my Father promised; so stay here in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” (Luke 24:36-49, NRSV)

Inspiration

This made me think several thoughts at once — He’s been waiting for me to open my heart, is not pleased that I am suffering and anxious, or that I entertain troubling thoughts about things that shouldn’t be troubling at all.

Some of you know that I have been desperately seeking employment after having been told that my current contract would not be renewed beyond October 31, 2013. (And this DEADLINE seems to loom over my head in red letters). This news comes on the heels of dealing with significant concerns regarding my other half’s health, losing 2 people who were dear to me, and having to put my beloved canine baby to sleep after 13 years.

This week — I have the opportunity to interview for 3 different positions — any of which would be a great opportunity for #MovingForward. This, of course, is great news, and I do feel blessed. HOWEVER — (isn’t there always a HOWEVER); with my confidence at an all-time low, particularly after having already been through a few great interviews over the last few months with no offer, uncertainty has rooted itself in my heart, and doubt is whispering in my ear as I prepare for these interviews. Because this process seems so heavily dependent upon what others think of me and may abilities — I have reverted to seeking my worth other than through Him.

I find some small consolation in the disbelief of the disciples — for it tells me that they, too, were fallible. The passage also reminded me that He has likely told me over and over, in many different ways, how to overcome my doubt and uncertainty.

Just prior to starting this study, I had been trying to work my way back to Him through prayer. I had been praying well-know prayers and I often sought guidance from the Spirit to help me personalize them. In relation to my concern about my abilities and getting through the interviews, the following verses caught my attention:

But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” (Psalms 31:14, NRSV)

in God I trust; I am not afraid. What can a mere mortal do to me? (Psalms 56:11, NRSV)

Reflection/Prayer

LORD, let me always remember the sacrifice that You made for my salvation. When insecurity makes me begin to falter in my trust and belief in You, let me understand that Jesus is dismayed since he has repeatedly assured me that He sends upon me what His Father promised. Let me remember that for this, and many other reasons, I need not be afraid of anything that happens nor entertain disquieting thoughts, because mere mortals cannot harm me and I can always rely on You in times of trial. It’s time to move forward, working through the lessons You have for me from the pain of my past in order to live beyond the shadow of my doubts. In Jesus’ name, I pray, AMEN (See: Luke 24:38; 

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